Galaxy Rover Report #3

Star Date: April 9 Kung 127238

We are all feeling a bit chagrined today, and no one more so than our Chief Science Coordinator. Turns out since day one of our time here on planet Over Easy we’ve been eating only the males of the species sapien horribilis and not the females. Why? Because the females are so vastly different than the males in appearance, and so much more spiritually and intellectually advanced than the males, our most sophisticated sensors classified the females as a separate species sapien hermosa, and definitely not to be eaten.

We inquired of the super-advanced Gigantic Tree People about the incredible differences between the males and females of sapien horribilis. These huge and ancient tree people remember everything that has ever happened on the planet for the last million years. They assured us that if not for the female sapien horribiliss, the males would have slaughtered each other into extinction eons ago. Thus the question our biologists and psychologists are trying to answer is: why, if the females of the species are so advanced, doesn’t their spiritual and intellectual and emotional sophistication manifest in their male offspring? So far we are thoroughly baffled by this question.

In any case, this discovery has resulted in a temporary cessation of the harvesting of sapien horribilis males, which leaves us very little easy-to-find protein-rich food on Over Easy and may mean we are not long for this world.

We have had several requests for photos of sapien horribilis, but our information managers decided that because the males resemble the males of our own species to some degree, such photos might be too upsetting for our constituency. Ditto the females. 

And so before we depart Over Easy, I would like to introduce you to a few more of the outstanding life forms we’ve encountered on this verdant planet.

The Periwinkle People are outstanding singers and psychotherapists. They live in small groups yet are highly independent individuals. They speak in complex rhyming patterns and are fluent in hundreds of languages. Their particular shade of blue is a powerful antidote to sadness and despair.

The Rhodie People, symbiotic neighbors of the Gigantic Tree People, spend most of each year absorbing solar rays and ground moisture to create a spectacular show of colorful blooms that lasts a few weeks and illuminates the entire universe. In their pre-blooming state, their heads resemble pineapples and their leaves shine with promise. In their shiny pineapple state they are given to spouting love poems and exchanging intimacies with visiting insects.

The Red and Green Lettuce people live to feed others. Their humility is so profound that just a few minutes in their presence fills us with gratitude for the opportunity to be alive.

Parsley People are robust and clever and spend much of their time writing lyrics for songs sung by myriad other species. They are champions of collaboration and live by the motto We Go With Everything.

There’s the call to evening meal. Beans and rice and broccoli again. Oh well.

Until next time.

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