{"id":1911,"date":"2015-12-22T09:36:41","date_gmt":"2015-12-22T16:36:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/?p=1911"},"modified":"2015-12-22T09:36:41","modified_gmt":"2015-12-22T16:36:41","slug":"dogs-cats","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/archives\/1911","title":{"rendered":"Dogs & Cats"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a>\"Molly<\/a><\/p>\n

Molly & Dylan Sleeping<\/em> photo by Bill Fletcher<\/p>\n

(This short story appeared in the Anderson Valley Advertiser<\/em> December 2015)<\/p>\n

An Inter-Species Holiday Fable <\/i><\/p>\n

Myra Eberhardt is a self-avowed cat person\u2014the kind of cat person who finds dogs and most of their people wanting in grace and civility. A stickler for neatness and punctuality, always up-to-date on the latest fashions, and something of a snob, Myra is forty-four, attractive, bright, and successful in all things save marriage. Men are attracted to Myra like bees to maple syrup, but the apparent faults of these fellows inevitably transcend their charms, and Myra despairs of ever finding her match. Thus her three cats, Bingo, Butch, and Groucho are more than pets to Myra, they are her children and<\/i> Significant Other(s).<\/p>\n

As one of the top wedding facilitators in the greater Bay Area, Myra frequently auditions musicians seeking work in that relatively lucrative field, and in mid-November, a slow time for weddings before the usual outburst of Christmas nuptials, Myra has the extreme pleasure of auditioning an accordion player named Michael O\u2019Reilly with whom she falls head over heels in love.<\/p>\n

Michael is a loose-limbed easygoing fellow of fifty-four with an uncouth head of wavy brown hair, his parents born in Ireland, he in San Francisco, his brogue slight but charming, and he is an absolute wizard on his squeeze box, his vast repertoire of songs spanning every known genre and then some.<\/p>\n

\u201cI used to say I could play anything from Bach to the Beatles,\u201d Michael explains to Myra after wowing her with a medley beginning with Mendelssohn\u2019s wedding march, climaxing with a Piazzolla tango, and finishing with an irresistible hip hop version of The Girl From Ipanema<\/i>, \u201cbut we\u2019ve entered an era when both Bach and the Beatles are considered classical music, so I\u2019ve had to expand my genre base, as it were.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sold,\u201d says Myra, struggling to keep her professional persona distinct from that of a deeply smitten woman. \u201cI\u2019m sure I can come up with plenty for you to do. Weddings, I mean.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGreat,\u201d says Michael, returning his accordion to its case. \u201cTo that end, here is my brand new business card.\u201d<\/p>\n

With a graceful bow, Michael hands Myra an obviously homemade card featuring the faces of two smiling dogs.<\/p>\n

Myra stiffens. \u201cWhat\u2026why dogs?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, that\u2019s Rex and Ziggy,\u201d says Michael, gazing fondly at the likenesses of his beloved pooches. \u201cI have a show for children, too, with Rex and Ziggy as my co-stars.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI see,\u201d says Myra, commanding her frontal lobe to terminate infatuation. \u201cI trust that for weddings\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI hope you won\u2019t think me impetuous,\u201d says Michael, impetuously interrupting her, \u201cbut would you like to go out with me? Food and jazz at Yoshi\u2019s? I\u2019m rather taken with you, and that\u2019s a colossal understatement.\u201d<\/p>\n

And the sweet musicality of his voice and the electricity flowing back and forth between them like a sideways Niagara makes Myra blurt, \u201cYes!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u00f5<\/p>\n

Two evenings after their initial meeting, Michael arrives at Myra\u2019s impeccable Berkeley bungalow driving an old station wagon outfitted for canine transport, and Myra invites him in for a drink before they zip off to Yoshi\u2019s.<\/p>\n

\u201cI have three cats,\u201d says Myra, sitting not too far from Michael on her brown leather sofa and wondering if he\u2019d be open to suggestions regarding his hopelessly outdated wardrobe. \u201cBut you won\u2019t see them. They hide whenever anyone comes over.\u201d She laughs. \u201cYour classic scaredy cats.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI love cats,\u201d says Michael, sighing in admiration of Myra. \u201cYou are one beautiful woman.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you.\u201d She blushes. \u201cWine? I have an excellent pinot.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d love a beer,\u201d says Michael, nodding hopefully. \u201cI\u2019m not much of a wine drinker, but I love beer. Dark if you have it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry,\u201d says Myra, her hopes of a wine connoisseur dashed. \u201cNo beer.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTea?\u201d suggests Michael, grinning at the approach of three big kitty cats, Bingo appropriating Michael\u2019s lap, Butch and Groucho rubbing and snuffling against Michael\u2019s shoes and pants, the doggy scents irresistible to their inquisitive noses.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is unprecedented,\u201d says Myra, dazzled by the sight of her cats fawning over Michael. \u201cThey always hide when I have guests.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, if I had half the way with women I have with animals,\u201d says Michael, petting the adoring felines, \u201cI\u2019d probably, oh God\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes?\u201d says Myra, laughing in delight as she forgets again that Michael features dogs on his business card. \u201cYou\u2019d probably oh God what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u00f5<\/p>\n

On Christmas day, Myra goes to Michael\u2019s house for the first time. Having fulfilled their separate obligations to friends and relations that morning, and with their romance now well into the kissing phase, Myra braces herself for a front yard akin to certain unfortunate dog parks, rutted and muddy. But as she nears his house, she is stunned to see a Shangri-la of rose bushes and fruit trees with nary a sign of canine trampling.<\/p>\n

\u201cMust have sacrificed the backyard,\u201d she murmurs, hurrying through the rain to the front door and wondering why she doesn\u2019t smell anything particularly gross and doggy about the place.<\/p>\n

The front door is ajar, the house resounding to Nat King Cole singing Christmas songs, the scents of freshly baked gingerbread and bubbling spaghetti sauce mingling surprisingly well.<\/p>\n

\u201cHello?\u201d says Myra, stepping into the piano-dominated living room with her big box of gifts for Michael, knowing she\u2019s probably gone overboard on the shirts, but what the hell. \u201cAnybody home?\u201d<\/p>\n

In response to her question, an enormous hound of complex origins appears on the threshold of the kitchen, wags his colossal tail, gives Myra a goofy smile, and sits. This is Rex, and he knows very well that his great size gives any human pause, but that he is especially frightening to people with an aversion to his kind.<\/p>\n

A moment passes, Myra frozen in fear, and now Ziggy, a Lab Collie Whippet Poodle, joins Rex on the threshold, wags his tail, smiles, and sits, too.<\/p>\n

This can\u2019t possibly work<\/i> thinks Myra, admitting to herself for the first time in her life that what she fears most about dogs is they are so much like people, and people have never been her forte, whereas cats\u2026<\/p>\n

At which moment, a third being appears on the threshold, this one a feline of many hues, a gorgeous calico named Miro who does not tarry with the dogs but approaches Myra without a whisker of trepidation, swirls about the woman\u2019s legs, and communicates loud and clear (on the psychic plane) Pick me up, honey. I love women.<\/i><\/p>\n

And as she cradles the sonorously purring Miro against her bosom, Myra\u2019s heart breaks open, as healthy hearts are made to do, and Rex and Ziggy feel Myra\u2019s heart opening as their cue to cross the room and greet their master\u2019s beloved\u2014Michael recording the sweet miracle with his camera.<\/p>\n

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Molly & Dylan Sleeping photo by Bill Fletcher (This short story appeared in the Anderson Valley Advertiser December 2015) An Inter-Species Holiday Fable Myra Eberhardt is a self-avowed cat person\u2014the kind of cat person who finds dogs and most of their people wanting in grace and civility. A stickler for neatness and punctuality, always up-to-date […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[680,594,306,3544,3545,84,9,33,3546],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1911"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1911"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1911\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1914,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1911\/revisions\/1914"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1911"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1911"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1911"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}