{"id":2391,"date":"2018-01-01T09:54:22","date_gmt":"2018-01-01T16:54:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/?p=2391"},"modified":"2018-01-01T09:54:22","modified_gmt":"2018-01-01T16:54:22","slug":"going-around-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/archives\/2391","title":{"rendered":"Going Around Again"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Korte\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Hymn To The Gentle Sun<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a poor sort of memory that only works backwards,\u201d the Queen remarked.\u201d Lewis Carroll<\/i><\/p>\n

If I had a dollar for every person who said to me in the last few weeks, \u201cI can\u2019t wait for this year to be over,\u201d I could buy three excellent tacos at the new taqueria in Mendocino.<\/p>\n

When people say, \u201cI can\u2019t wait for this year to be over,\u201d I am tempted to reply, \u201cDo you really think the first day of January will be a vast improvement over the last day of December?\u201d<\/p>\n

But I don\u2019t say that because I know what they really mean is they hope things for them and the planet and everyone they know will improve in the future, so why not use the beginning of a so-called new year as a way to imagine the end of unpleasantness and the beginning of less unpleasantness and maybe even some really fun things happening?<\/p>\n

A year, it turns out, for those who believe the earth revolves around the sun, is the time it takes the earth to go once around the sun. The first day of January is the day many people have agreed is the first day of that revolution, but we might agree that the Winter Solstice is the first day, or the Summer Solstice is the first day. Or, as I like to agree with myself, the day I was born is the first day of my current trip around the sun.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I was younger I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.\u201d Mark Twain<\/i><\/p>\n

About six months ago, as part of my attempt to lessen the severe anxiety I was experiencing in my every day life, I stopped following the news. I stopped reading news stories on my computer, stopped listening to news on the radio, stopped reading newspapers, and excused myself when the people began talking about the latest mass murder or war atrocity or something terrible our government was doing or not doing.<\/p>\n

At first, I felt ashamed and guilty about not keeping up with the daily horror show, but within a few days of giving up mass media, my anxiety was so vastly reduced, I hardly minded feeling ashamed; and pretty soon the shame and guilt vanished, too.<\/p>\n

This experience confirmed for me that at least part of my anxiety was related to consuming ideas and images that frighten or anger or depress me. Given a choice, why would anyone choose to consume frightening, angering, and depressing ideas and images as a regular part of his or her daily life? My answer to that is that most people don\u2019t choose to follow the news, but are entrained to do so, habituated to doing so, which means they are habituated to thinking of the world and human society as relentlessly terrible. Which would explain why so many people are eager for this year to be over.<\/p>\n

However, if we continue to absorb the emanations of mass media, we will soon be eager for next year to be over, too.<\/p>\n

Am I suggesting you stop following the news in the ways you follow the news? No.<\/p>\n

\u201cFor years I was tuned a few notes too high\u2014I don\u2019t see how I could stand it.\u201d William Stafford<\/i><\/p>\n

In a recent letter to my friend Max, I wrote:<\/p>\n

We change. Our tastes change. I hadn\u2019t read any prose other than my own work for a couple years and thought I might never again read any prose by other authors (except\u00a0Kim<\/i>\u00a0by Rudyard Kipling every few years), and then I was given two volumes of essays by Kathleen Jamie and gobbled them like a starving person. What a surprise. But reading Jamie didn\u2019t get me reading other prose stuff again. Most contemporary prose is dreadful to my senses. But I was happy to know I might still occasionally find things that feed me.<\/p>\n

I have become so sensitive to giant imagery and loud sounds that I will never go see a movie in a theatre again because it might kill me, literally. Even attending symphony concerts is getting harder for me because the music is often too loud for my circuits to handle comfortably, and I have to plug my ears during the loud parts.<\/p>\n

Thirty years ago, one of my favorite poets was Mary Norbert K\u00f6rte. She was a nun for several years when she was a young woman, then left the convent and moved to Mendocino County and became a hippy wild woman poet. For a time she worked on the Skunk Train, the tourist train that runs between Willits and Fort Bragg going through the redwood forests, up and down over the coast range.<\/p>\n

I read with her once in Sacramento long ago, and listening to her read, I felt I was sharing the bill with a great genius. The first time I heard her read was many years before that in Santa Cruz, and I thought she was one of the most insightful humans I\u2019d ever heard; and I never imagined I would one day read with her. I have a volume of her poems she wrote when she was a nun, Hymn To the Gentle Sun<\/i>, and I used to love those poems. Now I don\u2019t connect with them. I wonder what Mary thinks of those poems after all these years?<\/p>\n

I am forever disappointing people because I won\u2019t\/can\u2019t read books they tell me are wonderful and great. I give these books a try by using the Look Inside<\/i> feature at Amazon, and if any of them ever pass the two-page test I will buy that book and give it a try, but so far none of these recommended books have passed the two-paragraph test. Which doesn\u2019t mean they aren\u2019t wonderful books, it just means they aren\u2019t for me as I am currently configured.<\/p>\n

Maybe you and I are dealing with huge self-defining issues that have shaped our lives up to now. Maybe we had roles in our families, relational roles that continue to play out in our lives. In therapy, I\u2019ve uncovered some of those early defining issues in my life (what Gabor Mat\u00e9 calls coping mechanisms that become traits\u2014things we did to survive that became habits) such as feeling responsible for everyone else\u2019s happiness or unhappiness. Turns out I\u2019m not. Can\u2019t be. But my system was habituated to trying to make other people happy or feeling I was a failure and despicable if someone I knew was unhappy. A kind of less-obvious narcissism. I am responsible for other people\u2019s happiness or unhappiness? That\u2019s plain silly, not to mention tiring.<\/p>\n

So follow your bliss, as Joseph Campbell famously said. Follow what you know in this moment to be right for you, knowing you can\u2019t make a mistake. You\u2019re just hiking along the trail and reacting with an open heart and an open mind to what comes your way.<\/p>\n

Love,<\/p>\n

Todd<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hymn To The Gentle Sun \u201cIt\u2019s a poor sort of memory that only works backwards,\u201d the Queen remarked.\u201d Lewis Carroll If I had a dollar for every person who said to me in the last few weeks, \u201cI can\u2019t wait for this year to be over,\u201d I could buy three excellent tacos at the new […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[4554,4561,3721,4560,4557,4550,4551,1032,4203,435,4562,1246,4558,13,4552,4555,1370,4553,436,4559,4124,9,4556,33,2087],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2391"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2391"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2391\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2393,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2391\/revisions\/2393"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2391"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2391"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2391"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}