{"id":3691,"date":"2020-06-09T21:31:57","date_gmt":"2020-06-10T04:31:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/?p=3691"},"modified":"2020-06-09T21:31:57","modified_gmt":"2020-06-10T04:31:57","slug":"the-same-woman-carol","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/archives\/3691","title":{"rendered":"The Same Woman (Carol)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Several times in the course of his life, Andrew meets a woman he recognizes as someone he has known before. And though the woman never recognizes Andrew as anyone she knows, she is always drawn to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He met her for the first time<\/a> in elementary school in 1955, and again in the summer of 1962<\/a> when they were both thirteen. Then in 1966<\/a> he was in a relationship with her until she left him for someone else. And from 1970 to 1973<\/a>, he lived with her in British Columbia before she moved to Los Angeles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In 1978, Andrew is twenty-nine and living ten miles north of Vancouver in a spacious two-bedroom house he built on three acres not far from the ocean. He recently became a Canadian citizen and has been in a relationship with a woman named Leslie Revere for seven months. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leslie is thirty-eight, an aspiring playwright who\nmakes her living as a secretary in the biggest talent agency in Vancouver. She just\nstarted dying her brown hair auburn and is determined to get her weight down to\n125, though she looks fine at 140. Desperate to get out of the tiny apartment\nshe shares with another woman in a noisy part of the city, she wants to marry\nAndrew, get pregnant, and quit her job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Andrew, however, does not want to marry Leslie. They\nwere good friends before they became lovers, but now whenever they spend more\nthan a few hours together, he feels invaded and overwhelmed and creatively\nsquished. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So why doesn\u2019t he end his relationship with her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because two years ago she introduced him to the\nplaywright Mark Kane who adapted two of Andrew\u2019s short stories, Ariel Gets Wise<\/em> and Extremely Silly,<\/em> into a play that had a critically-acclaimed run at\nthe Kleindorf Theatre in Vancouver and was subsequently staged with great\nsuccess in Montreal, which success led to Andrew\u2019s first book, a collection of\nstories entitled The Draft Dodger and\nother fables<\/em> being published in Canada and England, and soon to be\npublished in America.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thus for the first time in his life, he has enough\nmoney to devote himself entirely to his writing and music, yet he cannot write\nor compose anything because he is consumed with the dilemma of how to end his\nrelationship with Leslie without seriously damaging his new connections in the\ntheatre world, a world he greatly enjoys being part of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Inspired by the success of Extremely Silly Ariel Gets Wise<\/em>, Andrew has started writing plays\nalong with his short stories, Mark Kane is nearly finished with a new play\ncombining two more of Andrew\u2019s short stories, and several eminent Canadian directors\nare eagerly awaiting anything Andrew writes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But what makes Andrew\u2019s dilemma even more\ndifficult is that Leslie has written twenty plays over the last fifteen years,\nnone of which have been produced despite her tireless efforts to convince actors\nand directors and theatre companies to take them on. This makes Andrew\u2019s\nsuccess both a source of pride for Leslie because she introduced him to Mark,\nand a thorn in her side because Andrew was so instantly and hugely successful\nin contrast to her many years of failing to have a play produced. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To get some distance from Leslie, Andrew decides\nto fly to Montreal to meet his literary and theatrical agent Penelope Goldstein\nin-person for the first time, and to visit Jason Moreau, the director of the Montreal\nproduction of Extremely Silly Ariel Gets\nWise<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite Andrew arranging his trip on the spur of\nthe moment, Penelope says she\u2019ll throw a party for him at her townhouse in\nGriffintown, and Jason says he\u2019ll throw a party for Andrew at his beautiful old\nhouse in Little Italy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Penelope and her partner Judith Perlman, also a\nliterary agent, insist Andrew stay in their guest room for the night of the\nparty, and Jason and his partner Frederick Holmes, a choreographer, insist\nAndrew stay in their guest room for as long as he likes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leslie is terribly upset Andrew didn\u2019t invite her\nto accompany him to Montreal, but she hides her displeasure for fear of slowing\nthe momentum she hopes will carry them into marriage and pregnancy, not\nnecessarily in that order. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Andrew\u2019s best friend Cal drives Andrew to the Vancouver\nairport on a cloudy morning in May. Cal is about to get his PhD in Philosophy from\nSimon Fraser University and lives with his wife Terry, a photographer, and\ntheir two-year-old daughter Felicia in a house not far from Andrew\u2019s. Cal and\nAndrew were pals in high school in Redwood City, California, roomies at UC\nSanta Cruz, and came to Canada together in 1970 so Cal could evade the draft\nand not go to Vietnam. Andrew then fell in love with a Canadian woman named\nYvonne and ended up staying in Canada, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m surprised Leslie\u2019s not going with you,\u201d says Cal,\nglancing at Andrew as they drive through a sudden downpour. \u201cShe lives for this\nkind of thing, doesn\u2019t she?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t invite her,\u201d says Andrew, testily. \u201cI\ndon\u2019t want to be in a relationship with her anymore but I can\u2019t seem to work up\nthe courage to tell her. So I thought I\u2019d run away for a week or two and see if\nthat might empower me to break her heart.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t owe her anything,\u201d says Cal, giving\nAndrew a doleful look. \u201cShe didn\u2019t write your stories. She introduced you to\nMark who was already a big fan from reading you in The Weekly Blitz<\/em>. You went to a party with her and she knew Mark\nbecause she knows everybody and he took things from there. Right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s more complicated than that, Cal,\u201d says\nAndrew, shrugging painfully. \u201cShe was my great advocate and\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh bullshit,\u201d says Cal, tired of listening to\nAndrew rationalize staying in a relationship with someone he doesn\u2019t love. \u201cYou\u2019re\njust afraid she\u2019s gonna badmouth you to her theatre friends if you break up\nwith her. So what if she does? Your success comes from what you write, not from\nwho you know.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI wish that were true,\u201d says Andrew, wistfully.\n\u201cBut it\u2019s not. My stories helped me get into the castle, but now that I\u2019m in,\nbelieve me, it is all about who you know among the chosen few. And if the\nchosen few don\u2019t like you, it doesn\u2019t matter if you\u2019re the greatest playwright in\nthe world, they won\u2019t have anything to do with you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cal grimaces. \u201cBut your own experience disproves\nthat. Your stories won the day, not Leslie.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf not for Leslie, I would never have gone to the\nparty where I met Mark.\u201d He gazes out at the rain. \u201cNo. They lowered the\ndrawbridge for her and let me in because I was with her.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019ll never believe that,\u201d says Cal, shaking his\nhead. \u201cI will always believe you flew over the ramparts on the magic carpet of\nyour wonderful stories.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhich is one of the many reasons I love you,\u201d\nsays Andrew, smiling fondly at his dear friend. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The truth is Penelope and Judith love Andrew\u2019s short\nstories because they are great stories. And they love the play that sprang from\ntwo of those stories because Extremely\nSilly Ariel Gets Wise<\/em> is a great play. They very much hope Andrew\u2019s success\ncontinues, but they have no expectations it will. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Penelope and Judith attained their success as\nagents by working incredibly hard for decades, and though they know as well as\nanyone about the potency of personal connections in the publishing business and\nthe theatre world, they are of a generation of agents\u2014both of them in their fifties\u2014who\nrepresent uniquely talented writers regardless of who those writers know or\ndon\u2019t know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Forty people come to the party at Penelope and\nJudith\u2019s townhouse, mostly middle-aged editors and middle-aged writers, a few younger\neditors and younger writers, and a handful of theatre people. Penelope and\nJudith take turns introducing people to Andrew, and eventually he meets\neveryone. He is praised many times for his story collection and for Extremely Silly Ariel Gets Wise, <\/em>eats\nhis fill of fabulous hors d\u2019oeuvres, and is beginning to long for the end of\nthe party when a couple of latecomers arrive, the man middle-aged and heavyset,\nthe woman Andrew\u2019s age and the doppelg\u00e4nger of Andrew\u2019s last great love Yvonne,\na beautiful woman with olive skin and lustrous brown hair.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

They are Larry and Carol Savard, Larry a\nsuccessful actor, Carol a novelist. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI am in awe of your stories,\u201d says Carol, who Andrew\nimmediately recognizes as another manifestation of his soul mate. \u201cI\u2019ve read The Draft Dodger and other fables<\/em> three\ntimes and I\u2019m about to start again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh I\u2019m so glad,\u201d says Andrew, looking into her\neyes. \u201cI can\u2019t tell you how happy that makes me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThere\u2019s talk of a movie being made of your Silly Whosit<\/em> play,\u201d says Larry,\nsurveying the room. \u201cMy agent says most likely made-for-television, but possibly\na cute little feature. I\u2019d love to play the silly girl\u2019s father. Keep me in\nmind.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI will,\u201d says Andrew, laughing, \u201cthough this is\nthe first I\u2019ve heard\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHate to cut you off,\u201d says Larry, half-snarling\nand half-smiling, \u201cbut I must <\/em>say\nhello to Jim and Kathy. Haven\u2019t seen them in ages<\/em>,\u201d and off he goes leaving Andrew alone with Carol.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDid I say something wrong?\u201d asks Andrew, looking\nat Carol.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, that\u2019s just Larry,\u201d she says, smiling\nbravely. \u201cA busy bee visiting many flowers.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAh,\u201d says Andrew, not really understanding what\nshe means.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSo how are you handling your sudden success?\u201d she\nasks, sounding as if she really wants to know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell\u2026\u201d he says, deciding not to tell her she\ncould be the twin of Yvonne who was the twin of Laura and so on back through the\ngreat loves of his life, \u201cI haven\u2019t made tons of money from the play or the\nbook so my life hasn\u2019t really changed much except I get lots more mail and I don\u2019t\nhave to pay my bills with carpentry work for the next year or so.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOr maybe never again,\u201d she says, her voice and\nQuebecois accent identical to Yvonne\u2019s. \u201cI think there are at least three\nreally good movies in your collection and before long you\u2019ll be writing the\nscreenplays.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFrom your lips to God\u2019s ears,\u201d says Andrew,\nbowing to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAre you Jewish?\u201d asks Carol, smiling quizzically.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI am descended from Jews but not raised in the\nreligion,\u201d he says, returning her quizzical smile. \u201cWhy do you ask?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMy Jewish grandmother says from your lips to God\u2019s ears<\/em> all the time. And so does my mother\nwho gave your book to everyone she knows for Hanukkah and Christmas.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry I haven\u2019t read your novels,\u201d he says, amazed\nby how much she reminds him of Yvonne. \u201cBut I will. What are their titles?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh I\u2019m not published yet,\u201d she says, blushing.\n\u201cGetting closer, according to Judith, but no takers yet.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat are your novels about if I may ask?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLove,\u201d she says simply. \u201cAnd the myriad impossibilities\ntherein and thereof. I think you\u2019d find them kin to your stories only much more\nconvoluted, which is probably the problem.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019ve never written a novel,\u201d he says, sensing her\nsadness. \u201cStarted a few but they either turned into short stories or trailed\noff into nothingness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh yes,\u201d she says, laughing a beautiful hearty\nlaugh. \u201cI know all about things trailing off into nothingness. And now if\nyou\u2019ll excuse me, I better go be with Larry before he becomes apoplectic with\njealousy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOf course,\u201d says Andrew, looking across the room to\nwhere Larry is loudly telling a man and a woman a story involving lots of\ngesturing. \u201cA pleasure to meet you.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the last guest has gone home, Penelope and\nJudith and Andrew sit in the living room sipping brandy from crystal snifters\nand Judith asks Andrew, \u201cDid you get a chance to talk to Carol Savard?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBriefly,\u201d he says, relieved the party is over.\n\u201cShe seemed very nice.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cShe\u2019s a doll,\u201d says Judith, the child of\nYiddish-speaking parents. \u201cAnd a very good writer, too. She was a waitress\nbefore she married Larry. Shared an apartment with two other women and wrote\nlike mad on her days off. And then\u2026 oh never mind.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTell, darling,\u201d says Penelope, pouring more\nbrandy into Judith\u2019s snifter. \u201cAndrew won\u2019t gossip. Will you, dear?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNever,\u201d says Andrew, smiling mischievously.\n\u201cThough I might put this in a story. Well-disguised of course.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Judith sips her brandy and says, \u201cShe\u2019s hasn\u2019t\nwritten a word since she married Larry two years ago. And I know I could sell\nher novel if she\u2019d do one more draft.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI wonder why she doesn\u2019t,\u201d says Andrew, in his\ntiredness confusing Carol with Yvonne who was a prolific songwriter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMarried the wrong man,\u201d says Penelope, swirling\nher brandy. \u201cScared away her muse.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI remember the day she told me they were getting\nmarried,\u201d says Judith, sighing. \u201cWe were having lunch and strategizing about who\nI should send her novel to next, and she said, \u2018After I\u2019m married I\u2019ll have lots\nof time to write.\u2019 But then the problem of not enough time became the problem\nof too much Larry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAlways tricky when we make a pact with the\ndevil,\u201d says Penelope, wagging her finger at Andrew. \u201cDon\u2019t you do that. Promise\nme.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The next day, a Thursday, Penelope and Judith take\nAndrew to breakfast at an eatery around the corner from their townhouse, and\nwhile they wait for their food to arrive, Judith says, \u201cWe would ask you to\nstay on with us, but we have a dear friend coming in from England today. But next\ntime you come to Montreal you must stay with us for at least a week.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll love your room at Jason and Freddie\u2019s,\u201d\nsays Penelope, signaling their waitress for more coffee. \u201cWe know their house\nvery well because we were each other\u2019s beards for twenty years until we all\ncame out two years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBeards,\u201d says Andrew, frowning. \u201cYou mean\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe posed as heterosexual partners,\u201d says Judith,\nsipping her coffee. \u201cI with Freddie, Penelope with Jason. But now, thank God,\nwe don\u2019t have to do that anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMuch to our surprise, coming out didn\u2019t hurt our\nbusiness at all,\u201d says Penelope, waving to an acquaintance being seated at a\nnearby table. \u201cOr Freddie\u2019s. Dance, you know. But Jason can\u2019t get television\ngigs anymore. No one cares in the theatre world, of course, but television and movies\nare way behind.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t be gay and direct television shows and\nmovies?\u201d asks Andrew, finding that hard to believe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not about being<\/em> gay,\u201d says Judith, enjoying Andrew\u2019s innocence. \u201cIt\u2019s about\nbeing openly gay.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The party Jason and Freddie throw for Andrew on\nSaturday night is very different than the party at Judith and Penelope\u2019s. The\nmusic is louder, the air is heavily scented with cannabis smoke, and many of\nthe hundred people filling the house and spilling out into the backyard are in\ntheir twenties and thirties. There are dancers and actors and musicians and\ntheatre people, many of them making no secret of their homosexuality and only a\nhandful of them interested in meeting Andrew. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Freddie, a handsome fellow in his early sixties,\nnotorious in his youth for supposed liaisons with famous ballerinas, introduces\nAndrew to a striking young woman named Kiki\u2014long black hair, carob brown skin,\nwearing a black skirt and red sandals and a green T-shirt with juxtaposition of elements in tension<\/em>\nwrit in white letters across the chest\u2014a former ballerina now a modern dancer,\nher mother Afro-Caribbean, her father Chinese. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kiki and Andrew take to each other instantly and Kiki\nsuggests they gravitate away from the loud music to the backyard where they\nstand under a lantern suspended from the branch of a maple tree talking about Montreal\nand Vancouver and finding each other splendid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And Andrew thinks I would love to have a child with this woman<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He has never had such a thought about any woman\nhe\u2019s ever known, and he wonders why he never wanted children with Yvonne or\nLaura, both of whom he loved with all his heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAre you free at all in the next few days?\u201d he asks,\nholding out his hand to Kiki. \u201cI\u2019d love to see you again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYeah, I\u2019m free,\u201d she says, smiling brightly and\ngiving his hand a squeeze. \u201cWe could have lunch tomorrow. Or supper. Or\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLet\u2019s start with lunch,\u201d he says, feeling a gush\nof joy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019ll give you my number,\u201d she says, rummaging in\nher handbag and bringing forth a notebook and pen. \u201cHow long are you here for?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNot sure,\u201d he says, imagining moving to Montreal\nand courting Kiki. \u201cJason and Freddie said I could stay with them as long as I\nwant to, but I don\u2019t want to overstay my welcome.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTell me again how you know them,\u201d she says,\ntearing a page from her notebook and handing it to him. \u201cI was too busy gawking\nat you when Freddie introduced us. Are you an actor?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, I\u2019m a writer. I wrote a couple stories that\nwere made into a play Jason directed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh my God,\u201d says Kiki, putting a hand on her\nheart. \u201cDid you write Extremely Silly Ariel\nGets Wise?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI wrote the two stories it was based on, but I\ndidn\u2019t write the play.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI went four times,\u201d says Kiki, putting her other\nhand atop the hand on her heart. \u201cGave me the courage to end a very bad\nrelationship I was stuck in. Thank you so much for writing those stories.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou\u2019re welcome,\u201d he says, finding her impossibly\nlovely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At which moment, Carol Savard emerges from the\nhouse and makes a beeline for Andrew and Kiki. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAndrew,\u201d says Carol, as she comes near. \u201cWe met\nat Penelope and Judith\u2019s party a few nights ago.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI remember,\u201d he says, surprised to see her again.\n\u201cDo you know Kiki?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo,\u201d says Carol, shaking Kiki\u2019s hand. \u201cNice to\nmeet you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNice to meet you, too,\u201d says Kiki, sensing\nCarol\u2019s urgency to speak to Andrew. \u201cI have to go, Andrew. Call me in the\nmorning?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI will,\u201d says Andrew, exchanging quick kisses\nwith her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alone with Carol, Andrew asks, \u201cLarry here?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo,\u201d she says, shaking her head. \u201cHe\u2019s in England\nfor three weeks. Making a movie.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAh,\u201d says Andrew, nodding. \u201cSo you have lots of\ntime to write.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes,\u201d she says, clearing her throat. \u201cI\u2019m\nwondering if\u2026 I\u2019m wondering if you\u2019d like to spend some time with me. I felt a\nvery strong connection with you at the party and\u2026\u201d She starts to cry. \u201cI\u2019m not\ntalking about having sex. I just need to talk to you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019d be happy to spend some time with you,\u201d he\nsays, feeling the deep and inexplicable bond he has with her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At breakfast the next morning with Freddy and\nJason in their sunny kitchen, Jason opines, \u201cHow could anyone be married to\nLarry Savard?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo one can<\/em>\nbe,\u201d says Freddie, shaking his head. \u201cHe was married four times before Carol and\nnone of them stuck for more than a few years.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLet me rephrase that,\u201d says Jason, striking a\nthoughtful pose. \u201cWhy anyone would want to marry him, I can\u2019t imagine. And\ndon\u2019t say for money. No amount of money would be enough to live with that horrible\nnarcissist.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe were stunned when Carol told us she was\nmarrying him,\u201d says Freddie, grimacing. \u201cWe frequently dine at Baskerville\u2019s, the\nrestaurant where Carol used to be the star waiter. We always requested her and\nI often said to Jason if I liked sleeping with women I would marry her in a\nminute if she would have me. So sweet and kind and funny and smart and very\nsexy. Don\u2019t you think?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d says Andrew, nodding. \u201cVery.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBeware of her,\u201d says Jason, pointing at Andrew. \u201cYou\u2019ll\nfall in love and try to save her and stop writing. And I need<\/em> you to write a new play for me. The sooner the better.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSpeaking of narcissists,\u201d says Freddie, laughing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI am not a narcissist,\u201d says Jason, indignantly.\n\u201cThe world is dying for good plays and Andrew is one of the few people I know\nwho can write them.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kiki takes Andrew to lunch at a caf\u00e9 a few blocks\nfrom Jason and Freddie\u2019s house, their attraction to each other growing by leaps\nand bounds. For dessert they split a piece of pumpkin pie and share a cup of\ncoffee, black, and Andrew presents Kiki with a signed copy of his book The Draft Dodger and other fables<\/em>, to\nwhich Kiki responds by bringing forth a copy of his book she just bought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou can make this one to my mother,\u201d she says,\nhanding him the book. \u201cShe came to your play twice with me and she\u2019s dying to\nmeet you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDo you ever get out to Vancouver?\u201d he asks, gazing\nin wonder at her. \u201cTo dance?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI have gone there to dance,\u201d she says, nodding.\n\u201cAnd my sister lives there and we miss each other, so I try to go out there at\nleast once a year.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWould you\u2026\u201d he says, but nothing more comes out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cVisit you when I\u2019m there?\u201d she says, nodding. \u201cOh\nyeah. But what about tonight? My friend Juliet is singing with her trio at\nHoney Martin starting at nine. You\u2019ll love her and probably want to marry her.\nI can come get you or we can meet there.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI have a supper date,\u201d says Andrew, madly in love\nwith her. \u201cBut I could meet you there at ten.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPerfect,\u201d she says, smiling rapturously. \u201cI\u2019ll\nsave you a seat.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before Andrew leaves Jason and Freddie\u2019s to meet\nCarol for supper, he and Jason have tea in the living room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI was not kidding, Andrew,\u201d says Jason, clearly distraught. \u201cLarry Savard is famously violent, and I wish you wouldn\u2019t have anything to do with Carol until she is long free of him. She\u2019s probably afraid to leave him for fear he\u2019ll kill her.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m just having supper with her,\u201d says Andrew, attributing\nsome of Jason\u2019s upset to his tendency to exaggerate. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell make sure that\u2019s all you do,\u201d says Jason,\nemphatically. \u201cDon\u2019t even kiss her cheek.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut how would Larry know? He\u2019s in England.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe know two of his ex-wives, and when they were\nmarried to him, whenever he went away he had them watched.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s crazy,\u201d says Andrew, the back of his neck\ntingling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019m trying to tell you,\u201d says Jason, throwing\nup his hands. \u201cHe\u2019s crazy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a quaint\nItalian restaurant, Andrew and Carol sit at a table with a\nred-and-white-checkered tablecloth and a candle stuck in a round-bottomed wine\nbottle covered with melted wax.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After a\nbit of friendly chitchat, Carol says, \u201cI felt such a strong jolt of recognition\nwhen I met you. Not that you look like anybody I\u2019ve ever known, but there was something\nabout your voice and the way you listened to me. I can\u2019t explain it except to\nsay I felt I knew you and you knew me, and I thought if anyone could understand\nwhat I\u2019m going through right now, you would. And I thought maybe you could\u2026 I\ndon\u2019t know, shed some light on my predicament or give me some advice.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\nrecognized you, too,\u201d says Andrew, wondering if they are being watched. \u201cAnd I\nfeel a similar affinity with you. So please, tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\nwonder if we could go somewhere more private,\u201d she says quietly. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\ndon\u2019t think that would be a good idea,\u201d he says, sipping his wine to moisten\nhis very dry throat. \u201cJason told me your husband is famously jealous and\nfamously violent and had his previous wives followed whenever he went out of\ntown. And though I\u2019d love to go somewhere more private to hear your story, to\nbe honest with you I\u2019m afraid to do that. I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo\nneed to apologize, though I can assure you no one followed me here. That\nhappened a few times at the beginning of our marriage and when I found out he\nwas paying people to spy on me, I told him if he ever did it again I would\nleave him. So he no longer does. And I understand why Jason and Freddie may\nthink I\u2019m afraid of him, but I\u2019m not.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSo\nwhat is your predicament?\u201d asks Andrew, lowering his shoulders and breathing a\nsigh of relief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI haven\u2019t\nbeen able to write anything since I married Larry. But if I leave him\u2026 he\u2019ll\nkill himself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDid he\ntell you that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo,\u201d\nshe says, falling silent as their supper arrives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When\ntheir waiter departs, Andrew asks, \u201cIf he didn\u2019t tell you, how do you know?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHow do\nwe know anything?\u201d she asks, locking eyes with him. \u201cWhy did you and I\nrecognize each other?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe\njust do,\u201d he says, nodding. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes. And\nI have sat with Larry on many a night watching him drink himself into oblivion,\nknowing that if I leave him he will die.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSo he does<\/em> tell you. Maybe not in words, but with\nhis thoughts and actions. And how is that not extortion? Emotional extortion.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat\nif it is?\u201d she says, shrugging. \u201cWhat would you do? Knowing if you end the\nrelationship you would cause his death? And please don\u2019t say you wouldn\u2019t have\ngotten into the relationship in the first place. You don\u2019t know that. You might\nhave. And if you did, what would you do if you knew that leaving him would kill\nhim?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\nwould tell him,\u201d says Andrew, jabbing his fork into his spaghetti, \u201cthat I\nwould help him find a good therapist and a good rehab clinic, and if he\nwouldn\u2019t make the effort to heal, I would leave him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cKnowing\nhe will kill himself,\u201d she says, her eyes full of tears. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat\nare the alternatives, Carol? Going on living in the hell you\u2019re in? Killing your\nself<\/em>? Never writing again?\nSacrificing your life so he can go on drinking himself into oblivion every\nnight while you watch? Wait for him to die of liver failure?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou\nwould leave him,\u201d she says, folding her arms. \u201cAnd let him die.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThey\nare not connected actions,\u201d says Andrew, angrily. \u201cHe is choosing to die rather\nthan trying to get well. And by leaving, you are choosing not to be present for\nhis suicide.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She\nsits back in her chair and muses for a long time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Andrew\neats his spaghetti, drinks his wine, and thinks Tomorrow I\u2019m calling Yvonne and ending our relationship.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAndrew?\u201d\nsays Carol, leaning forward in her chair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d\nhe says, softening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDo you\nlike living in Vancouver?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI do.\nI live in a house I built ten miles north of the city. Beautiful place. Good\nfriends. Yeah, I love it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAre\nyou involved with anyone?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m\njust ending a relationship and hoping to start another,\u201d he says, seeing no\nneed to hide the truth from her. \u201cWhy do you ask?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBecause\nif I leave Larry, I\u2019d love to try being in a relationship with you.\u201d She smiles\nshyly. \u201cIf you want to.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He thinks of Kiki and how he loves her, and he says to Carol, \u201cHow about we write to each other and see where that takes us?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d she says, smiling bravely. \u201cI\u2019d love to be your pen pal.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The\nnext day, after a fabulous night with Kiki in the pub listening to her friend\nsing, Andrew calls Leslie and ends their relationship. She is most upset with\nhim for breaking up with her by phone and not in-person, but by the end of\ntheir conversation she says she understands why he had to get away from her to work\nup the nerve to tell her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI can\nbe terrifying, I know,\u201d she says, laughing a little as she cries. \u201cBut I hope\nwe\u2019ll still be friends. I think you\u2019re a great person, Andrew, a rare person, and\nI\u2019d like to keep knowing you whether we sleep together or not.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI love\nbeing your friend,\u201d he says sincerely. \u201cI think you\u2019re a rare person, too, and\nyou have helped me in so many ways.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAs you\nhave helped me,\u201d she says, weeping. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Andrew\nstays another two weeks in Montreal, a week with Jason and Freddie, a week with\nKiki in the house she shares with her mother, her father no longer alive. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He makes\nthe trip back to Vancouver by train rather than fly, which gives him five days of\nrolling across Canada to write and write and write, stories and poems and\nletters and dialogue flowing unabated from his liberated pen.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the\nspring of 1980, Andrew and Kiki wed in Montreal in Freddie and Jason\u2019s backyard,\nAndrew\u2019s parents and brother and sisters having made the long trek from\nCalifornia, Kiki\u2019s mother and grandparents and sister on hand, Andrew\u2019s best\nman Cal, of course, and Freddie giving the bride away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Carol\ncomes to the wedding with Judith and Penelope, for she and Andrew have become\ngreat friends via the postal service, her first novel Simply Love<\/em> about to be published, her marriage to Larry a thing of\nthe past, Larry still alive and about to wed again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2206<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a letter to Carol dated July 14, 1981, Andrew writes from Vancouver that Kiki is three months pregnant, they are adding another bedroom to their house, his second collection of short stories Suicide Notes From My Friends <\/em>is selling very well, and his play Exactly Random <\/em>will begin rehearsals next week, to open at the Kleindorf in September.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI know I have tried to elucidate this to you before, Carol,\u201d he writes, \u201cbut I will try to put the ineffable into words again because I am overwhelmed this morning by how deeply connected I feel to you, though deeply<\/em> and connected<\/em> are inadequate descriptors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI often feel you are here with us. We will be in the garden or making supper or walking on the beach, and I will be aware of you on a cellular level. Especially when I play music.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0\u201cBut the awareness of you is never intrusive. Your presence never impedes the flow of my music, never interferes with the flow of words onto the page. In fact, your spirit is a divine impetus. Dare I say you are my muse?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYes, Kiki inspires me. I write poems for her and passages in my stories and plays just for her, but she is outside of me, wonderfully so, whereas you are in my bones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhich\nis to say I think our souls were one soul incubating in the womb of God when by\nsome miracle we divided into two halves and became twin souls loosed into the\nhuman swirl.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

fin<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

love song<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Several times in the course of his life, Andrew meets a woman he recognizes as someone he has known before. And though the woman never recognizes Andrew as anyone she knows, she is always drawn to him. He met her for the first time in elementary school in 1955, and again in the summer of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[858,5942,5955,5957,5956,5954,448,844,51,5952,5953,5951,5950,9,33,5939,5943],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3691"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3691"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3691\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3694,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3691\/revisions\/3694"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3691"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3691"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3691"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}