{"id":4322,"date":"2021-02-17T10:36:19","date_gmt":"2021-02-17T17:36:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/?p=4322"},"modified":"2021-02-17T10:36:19","modified_gmt":"2021-02-17T17:36:19","slug":"friendship-dialogues-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/archives\/4322","title":{"rendered":"Friendship Dialogues #2"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

This is the sequel to Friendship Dialogues #1.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Mark is sixty-four, a book editor\nand denizen of a neighborhood where Berkeley morphs into Oakland. Though the\npandemic rages on, he has embarked on a friendship with Bernice, who is fifty-seven,\nand with Bernice\u2019s closest friends Angela, sixty-three, and Marlene, sixty. He\nthinks of Bernice as his primary friend in the troika of women friends, and has\nyet to imagine spending time with either Angela or Marlene without Bernice in the\nmix.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So he is initially surprised and\nsubsequently pleased when on a cold cloudy morning in March he gets a call from\nMarlene, who is French, asking if he\u2019d like to go on a walk with her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI walk my neighbor\u2019s dog Juno every\nday,\u201d she explains, \u201cbecause Jacqueline, my neighbor, needs a new hip and\ncannot walk very far, and now she is dog sitting her daughter\u2019s dog Chico who\nis young and big, and Juno is big, too, and the two dogs are too much for me, so\nI thought perhaps you would like some exercise and could help me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019d be happy to,\u201d says Mark, who\nfinds Marlene delightful. \u201cWhen do you envision this walk happening?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNow?\u201d she says, laughing. \u201cI\u2019m\nsorry for such short notice, but I just thought of you and got your number from\nBernice and called you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI can be there in twenty minutes,\u201d\nhe says, ever amazed by the exigencies of fate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPerfect,\u201d she says. \u201cThey say it\nmight rain, but I don\u2019t think so.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Juno, it turns out, is a very large\nfive-year-old half Saint Bernard, half Golden Retriever, friendly and well\ntrained. Chico, still growing at eleven months, is even bigger than Juno. Half\nGreat Dane and half Black Lab, Chico is formidably strong and barely trained at\nall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fortunately, Chico immediately likes\nMark, and Mark keeps him on a short firm leash, which Chico also seems to like.\nSo Marlene handles Juno, who she\u2019s known since Juno was a puppy, Mark handles\nChico, and they take the dogs on a brisk three-mile jaunt with two poop stops\nfor each dog, and a few pissing stops, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When\nthey get back to Marlene\u2019s and return the dogs to Jacqueline, Marlene invites\nMark to have tea and sandwiches on her patio.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: I\u2019d love to, Marlene, but rain\nis imminent and I am not allowed inside your house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: Yes, you are. If it starts\nto rain you can come in my kitchen and we will leave the door and windows open.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark\nsits at a large round table on Marlene\u2019s patio adjacent to her lily pond. Warm\nfrom their walk and comfy in his down jacket and wool pants, he converses with\nMarlene through the sliding glass door of her kitchen.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: Do you like avocado and\nbacon together?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: Love them. I\u2019m avoiding dairy\nthese days, though not eggs, and I eat meat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: I love this combination of\nbacon and avocado. I have buckwheat bread without gluten for you and I will\nhave my French bread. Lettuce and mustard and mayonnaise. It will be delicious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: I\u2019m drooling in anticipation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: Did you enjoy walking the\ndogs? It was fun. Yes?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: It was great. I love those\ndogs. Makes me want to get one, only I\u2019d probably get something a little\nsmaller.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: I\u2019m so glad you love them\nbecause Jacqueline has Chico for another week and I could use your help if you\nhave the time. I will make you a good lunch every day to thank you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hearing\nher say this, Mark is moved to tears. Marlene comes out with their sandwiches\nand finds Mark crying.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: (concerned) Are you okay,\nMark?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: Yes, I\u2019m fine. I just\u2026 I\u2019m\nhappy to know that for the next week I\u2019ll be walking the dogs with you and\nhaving lunch with you and doing something I want to do and not being alone\nworking at a job I hate. It\u2019s a mitzvah getting to be with you every day. A\ngift.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: A gift for me, too. I\u2019ll\nget the tea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She\ngoes back inside and Mark has another cry before Marlene returns with the tea\ntray.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: I feel like I\u2019m on the French Riviera.\nIn winter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene\nsits across the table from him, she pours their tea, and they remove their\nmasks.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: Have you ever been to the\nFrench Riviera? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: No. I\u2019ve never been to Europe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: (surprised) Why not? You\nseem so sophisticated. I would have guessed you\u2019ve been many times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: I\u2019ve rarely had much money\nbeyond survival expenses, and the few times I did have a little extra, going to\nEurope was not high on my list.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: What was high on your list,\nif I may ask?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: Buying my son a car before he\nleft for college. Buying him a guitar. Taking the train across Canada to visit\na friend in Nova Scotia. Getting a new roof for my house. But even so, I still\nfeel like I\u2019m on the French Riviera. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: I haven\u2019t traveled much in\nthe last ten years. Now that my parents are gone, I have no reason to go back\nto France. When I was in the movie business I traveled so much it was not my\nidea of a holiday. But I have been many times to the French Riviera and this is\nexactly like it. I designed my backyard as a replica of the Riviera.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: You\u2019re kidding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: No, they have lily ponds\neverywhere on the Riviera. (laughs) Yes, I\u2019m kidding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: Were you ever in<\/em> a movie? Surely some director would\nhave wanted you enhancing a scene or two. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: I could have been, but I\nsaid No. It was important to me to be recognized for my work, not for being attractive.\nI was very proud of myself for my success in a field where men are so dominant,\nand yet I only made two movies I even like a little. I\u2019m not ashamed, but I\ndon\u2019t like to dwell in that unhappy past. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: What made it unhappy?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: I told you. The movies I\nworked on were shameful. Big budget thrillers. Not a meaningful line in any of\nthem. And the last film I worked on was a very big science-fiction movie. I was\ncontracted to make four<\/em> of those\nmovies. But when the first one was done, I was done, too, and it took me many\nyears to recover. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: From that one movie or the sum\ntotal of the movies you made?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: The sum total. A good way\nto say it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: I\u2019m sorry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: It was a long time ago. Seventeen\nyears. Now I design sets for Bernice\u2019s plays, and I even wield a hammer and\nsaw, you know, and make little worlds for the actors to play in. It makes me\nhappy even if the plays are like television shows now. It\u2019s fun, and the people\nare wonderful. (muses) I haven\u2019t talked about my movies in a long time. I was\nsurprised to hear the bitterness in my voice. I thought I was done with all\nthat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: Bitter memories bring their\nbitterness to the surface when we unearth them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: Yes, but it was a long time\nago and I have done good therapy about it, so\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: I\u2019ve read a number of books\nabout neuroscience, and it seems our brains record everything that ever happens\nto us, and those recordings contain the emotions associated with those memories.\nSo even though you\u2019ve made peace with those bitter times, your memories of\nworking on those movies still trigger bitterness. I guess the trick is not reattaching\nto those feelings so they can dissipate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: I think so. And since I met\nyou, I\u2019ve been letting go of my bitter feelings about men. That\u2019s why I called\nyou. Before I met you I would never have called a man to help me. But you\nchanged my idea of what a man can be, so I asked you for help, and I\u2019m glad I\ndid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: How have I changed your idea\nof what a man can be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: In many ways. You are not\ncondescending. You are a good listener. You don\u2019t just look at me as someone for\nsex or not for sex. You share your feelings. You cry. You tell the truth. You\ndon\u2019t hide behind a false persona. You don\u2019t monopolize the conversation. You\u2019re\nvery kind. And you make excellent guacamole. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: These are all firsts for you\nvis-\u00e0-vis a man?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: Not all firsts for me, but\nthe first time they have been true of the same man who is not gay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: Bernice says I\u2019m her first\nmale friend who isn\u2019t gay. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: Well because you know how\nto be a friend. Most men don\u2019t even know how to be friends with other men, and\nthey don\u2019t have a clue about how to relate to a woman as a whole person. To be\ngood friends, we have to be vulnerable to each other, and men are not supposed\nto be vulnerable because that is a feminine attribute, and for a man to be\nfeminine is to verge on being gay. I know it\u2019s not politically correct, but I\nthink many men choose to be gay because then they can be vulnerable and share\ntheir feelings and not always have to be ready to fight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: There\u2019s a reason men are the\nway they are. It\u2019s how we\u2019re shaped by our culture.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: Yes, but somehow you avoided\nthis shaping. No?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: No, I didn\u2019t. I used to look\nat women with sex in mind, and still do sometimes. And until fifteen years ago\nI\u2019d never shared my emotional self with anyone except my best friend Harry who\nwas gay. Never cried in front of anyone. And from twelve to fifty I tried out all\nsorts of false personas to see if any of them might work better than who I\nreally am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: And did they?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: In the short term, sometimes.\nGot me laid a few times. Got me a job or two. But I never could keep up the\npretense. I\u2019m a terrible liar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: I\u2019m surprised. You seem so\nauthentic to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: I\u2019m glad. I feel I am now. And\nI\u2019ve always been a good listener. I find other people fascinating. I\u2019ve always\nliked helping other people, and I\u2019ve always loved to cook. It was how I\nconnected with my mother, though I didn\u2019t master guacamole until a few years\nago when I was determined to match the guacamole of my favorite Mexican\nrestaurant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: What happened fifteen years\nago?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: I went into therapy with a\nBuddhist psychologist who helped me be okay with who I am. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: A woman?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: Yes, and that was key.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: Because I needed her feminine\nenergy as much I needed her insight and compassion. I needed to be loved for\nwho I am by a woman. And though she didn\u2019t love me romantically, she loved me in\nways I\u2019d never been loved by anyone, even my mother. And I think that\u2019s what most\nmen lack in their lives. Strong women who love us but don\u2019t take any shit from\nus and encourage us to be fully ourselves, even if that means being frightened\nand anxious and vulnerable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: You found a good teacher.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: I found a good teacher.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: Do you meditate every day?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: I do a stretching routine\nevery morning before I shackle myself to my desk, and at the end of the stretching\nI sit for twenty minutes in hope of quieting the chattering mind, though I\u2019m\nnot often successful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: I hope you won\u2019t mind my saying\nthis, but I think it would be good for you to quit your job as soon as you can.\nIt can\u2019t be good for you to do something you hate day after day, year after\nyear. Do you really need the money so much? And if you do, maybe there is\nsomething else you could do besides a job you hate.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: I think I need the money so\nmuch until I\u2019m sixty-six and Social Security kicks in, but maybe I don\u2019t. I\nthink I don\u2019t yet have enough to safely retire, but maybe I do. I appreciate\nyour suggestion to re-examine my situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: I just keep hearing how\nmuch you dislike your work, and I don\u2019t want you to keep suffering. You\u2019re a\ngood person, Mark. You deserve a happier life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: Now I may cry again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: That\u2019s okay. I might cry\nwith you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The\nrain begins to fall.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: I think I won\u2019t come in. I really\nneed to get back to work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene: Shall we say another dog\nwalk tomorrow at eleven o\u2019clock?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark: I\u2019ll be here barring a\ntempest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When Mark gets home from Marlene\u2019s,\nhe makes a cup of coffee, sits down at his desk, and resumes editing a murder\nmystery he\u2019s been working on for a month and is nearly done with. As he methodically\nworks his way through the last few pages of the laughably unoriginal whodunit,\nhe thinks of Marlene saying, \u201cIt can\u2019t be good for you to do something you hate\nday after day, year after year. Do you really need the money so much?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

After changing the last confusing he<\/em> to the name of the detective, Mark\nputs down his pen, gets up from his desk, walks into his living room, gazes out\nhis window at the rain, and hears Marlene saying, \u201cYou\u2019re a good person, Mark.\nYou deserve a happier life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And he decides he is done being a\nbook editor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUnless,\u201d he adds, speaking to the\nrain, \u201cit\u2019s my own book.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

fin<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

One Fell Swoop<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is the sequel to Friendship Dialogues #1. Mark is sixty-four, a book editor and denizen of a neighborhood where Berkeley morphs into Oakland. Though the pandemic rages on, he has embarked on a friendship with Bernice, who is fifty-seven, and with Bernice\u2019s closest friends Angela, sixty-three, and Marlene, sixty. He thinks of Bernice as […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[6492,6487,6484,6489,6491,6486,6488,6485,6490,9,33],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4322"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4322"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4322\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4324,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4322\/revisions\/4324"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4322"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4322"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/underthetablebooks.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4322"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}