I lay down for an afternoon nap on this cold foggy January 20th 2025 and immediately fell asleep and had a vivid dream in which I was about to be inaugurated President of the United States. Even in my dream I found this so unlikely I said to the woman I knew to be my vice-president, “Can this possibly be true? That I’m about to be inaugurated?”
“You are such a joker,” she said with her charming British accent. “Voters love that. Not only are you President, but your first ten executive orders immediately become law without having to be passed by Congress, though since our party now holds massive majorities in both houses, that won’t pose a problem should you choose to go that route.”
“Wow,” I said, incredulously. “And could you remind me which party our party is with the super congressional majority?”
“The Party,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“The Party?” I said, my confusion growing. “That’s the name of our party? The Party?”
At which moment we were hustled away by several burly security guards escorting us to the stage on the steps of the capitol building – a crowd of several million people awaiting my inaugural speech.
“Tell me your name again,” I said to my vice-president.
“Stop,” she said, giving me a warning look.
“Humor me,” I said, nodding hopefully. “I’ve got a little stage fright.”
“Desdemona Mangaroo,” she said quietly.
“Right,” I said, loving her moniker. “One last question, Desdemona. What was my campaign platform? In ten words or less.”
But before she could tell me I found myself standing at the podium gazing out at the multitudes. I had no speech prepared, nothing to read, and yet I was not so much afraid as tickled.
“Fellow earthlings,” I said, and these words caused a roar of approval from the crowd. “I stand before you today with good news. As soon as I finish making this brief speech I will sign ten executive orders that will immediately become laws of our great nation. The first order will be to institute free comprehensive universal healthcare, including dental, for all Americans, along with billions of dollars for birth control and family planning here and abroad. The second order will be the allocation of a trillion dollars to connect all our cities with high-speed rail so we can stop flying in jets and super-heating the earth.
The third order will be to reduce our military to a strong defensive force rather than maintain hundreds of bases around the world. The fourth order will be to provide funding to produce solar, wind, and wave power sufficient to make fossil fuels no longer necessary. The fifth order will be to provide ample funding for music and the arts in all our schools.
The sixth order will be to fully fund and expand the postal system so it will once again be a vibrant foundation for our communities and our democracy. The seventh order will eliminate all corporate funds from the political process and limit contributions individuals can make to a campaign to five thousand dollars, and that will include the candidates themselves. The eighth order will insure all elections henceforth will take place on Saturday and Sunday with uniform paper ballots throughout the land, and everyone who is a citizen gets to vote.
The ninth order will declare the United States will never give a dime in foreign aid to any country committing acts of aggression against another country or people. And the tenth order will grant generous tax breaks to everyone doing their utmost to insure a healthy biosphere.
Then I woke up.
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